i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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