She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize