yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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