The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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