no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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