I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
