So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
