There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
