If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What a dumb baby whore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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