I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Vodka?
Forever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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