I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
