you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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