Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
