your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
