Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
