just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
