I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
