i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
