i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
