I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
