at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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