If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
