I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
