yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
