im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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