Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
