can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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