I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
