Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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