Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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