Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
