I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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