Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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