I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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