Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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