Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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