Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
