yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just had sex bonerless
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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