I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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