dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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