I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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