come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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