sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
