Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
