shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
