uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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