Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
