I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
