someone threw a dead crab at me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
