Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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