There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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