I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
