worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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