you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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