dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
