i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
