just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
