I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
